Thursday, 31 December 2015

Big Girl Socks

2015 has nearly run its course. In two days this blog will have been occupying its little space in the blogosphere for seven years.

Those seven years have seen a lot of events unfold. None more so than this last year when I learnt that letting go can be empowering. Once I accepted each of the things I had to lose with grace, the new life looming ahead looked more exciting. It hasn't been as easy for my girls obviously. They chose none of this, but I've done my best to support them through this new life. Maybe I've got it wrong at times, but I've always been there with my love for them.

I could say it's been a hell of year.  It's certainly been an emotionally turbulent year, a year full of changes and yet as I look back over it I know it's also been a year of enormous growth and wonderful memories too.

Death and re-birth have been so central to this year. 
The death of my marriage and now the re-birth of my first love from my teens. 
A wonderful man and we've found each other again.

From the dreadful news of Vanessa's death before last Christmas to the wonderful community that came together to make a blanket and raise money in her name. For nearly six months that project kept me focused just as my world fell around my ears. I fought on to keep as much of a hold on it as I could for my daughters sake. And I know I have succeeded. 

In the middle of all of this my job ended. Funding was cut and I was left feeling redundant professionally and personally. My creative heart left me. I know it's still in there shouting to be released again. And it will be I know that. It has to. What I did know was that I was good at being a mother.

I sold our family home and eventually found us a new lovely home to make our own. Moving here has been a wonderful thing. We're in the heart of the city, life is all around. I love it. I do miss our country life, but we have gained new things. 

I've had such amazing support from family, friends new and old and the blogging and instagram community. Jane of Flaming Stitch, who made me a Chin Up Bravery Medal said the other day "Your strength in pulling up your big girl socks and soldiering on has been inspiring".  Well I'm keeping my socks firmly pulled up and the only way is forward.

So with that in mind, here's a bit about what we've been up to lately.

We've had a first ever Christmas as a three and it's been wonderful. In the summer I felt sick every time I thought of Christmas. Probably because the last was marked by the world I knew tumbling apart and I was trying to hide it from my daughters for as long as possible.

Now I think how silly to dread it when we have made such lovely memories and done things our way, our new way.

I started to feel festive for the first time when my good friend Cat and I spent a day chatting and christmas bits and bobs shopping. 

When I got home the sparkly Christmas tree brooch I'd bought from Donna Flower was waiting for me. I've pretty much worn it every day since. 

Living so close to the city we pop in and out as we wish. There's something so utterly magical about a city dressed in its Christmas lights.

Our home is just about sorted as a proper home now as we had the delivery of two beautiful new sofas. Our new neighbour and new friend had our velvet sofa to make room for this pair. We were a pair of weeds and so enlisted the help of the strong man from the corner Barbershop to help us shift it from one home to another. 

The girls have also been getting very creative with my hair. This is definitely a staying in type of do.

Just before the end of the school term I went on a long walk by the coast with my first love. We'd been talking and meeting up for a few months and on this day we knew our love for each other was still there, stronger even.

We found the most idyllic clifftop cafe where we were welcomed by Alfie the dog and a cosy woodturner before we headed back over the headland.

Later that week I started to get busy with wrapping gifts and decorating our two trees. We decided as we were going smaller then two, one for the sitting room and one for the dining room, were needed.

Once the girls broke up I had another interview for a job, but sadly no luck there either. 
I cheered myself on the way back by getting the red brogues I'd been lusting after for months.

A naughty buy that I've worn every day since.

The end of that week was emotionally turbulent, but fabulous also.
We had friends in and out of the house, evenings laughing with a lot of fizzy stuff and food. 

That weekend my old/new love brought me a dozen white roses and one yellow picked from the market early that morning. Picked carefully for eternal love and friendship to mark the start of us again.

Before we knew it Christmas eve was upon us and preparations were in full swing. Well slow swing as we decided to just go with the flow. Our supper was shared with my mum and a great friend and then we all started to get just a little bit excited knowing Santa was about.

I'm so happy that the girls enjoyed their Christmas. I wanted to make them memories to build on and give them strength. I believe we're getting there you know.

Now I'm a year older too as a birthday was passed on the 29th. Afternoon Tea with my girls, a quick G & T with my love and then the end of the pier Christmas show with family and friends. 

Life is looking good, there's still a few challenges to face, but life is about growth so I'm your woman to take on the new, here I come 2016.


  1. Well done, you have survived a troubled year, now All the Best for a very Happy New Year.

  2. Yay and hooray and thank goodness to the end of 2015. Never thought we would share it in so many ways. Lots of great everything for 2016 x

  3. What a year. So glad you have found peace and contentment. Best wishes for 2016.
    Liz @ Shortbread & Ginger

  4. Look back and say well that is done and dusted, goodbye 2015 and say HELLO 2016 and look to the future.
    Julie xxxxxx

  5. I have shoe envy! Wear them everyday and follow where there cheerfulness takes you with a glad heart.

  6. I'm in the same position as you. 2015 has been challenging, but mostly I've been smiling. Here's to strong women and happiness in 2016! Good luck in love (I'm yet to sort that bit out!)

  7. You are so inspiring, as I am finding life hard at the moment, but you have made me feel soooo much better, thank you.....and all best wishes for 2016

  8. You've been through so much, but always stayed strong and the love for your daughters shines through xx so glad you have loved ones and you've made a happy home for you all...Ive just moved into a lovely country cottage with my love and sophia and i keep pinching myself that this is real, i spent such a long time alone...but now i have a family around me and feel so loved. good things happen when you least expect them dont they? happy 2016 xxxx

  9. you are sp positive and a wonderful role model for your girls.

  10. A wonderful positive joyful post. I'm so glad you have had a wonderful Christmas. Wishing you and your girls a very Happy New Year!

  11. Bless your heart you amazing woman...wishing you everything you wish for in 2016 and a little bit more too....hoping to see you again too!
    best Ashley xx

  12. Happy Birthday and Happy New Year! Here's to a good 2016 and a great new job! xx

  13. You are a star. Your strength and love for your children shines through. Very best wishes for 2016.

  14. Well done for being so positive, you will continue to make life what it should be for yourself and your girls.

    I welled up when I read about the roses, so much more special than the ubiquitous red ones. Be happy!

  15. You are lucky in the fact that you have such a romantic chap!Happiness for 2016.

  16. Happy Happy New Year!! I can feel it will be a good one, so glad you have re-kindled your first love ;), loved spending a pre-christmas day with you and seeing your lovely new home which felt like you had been there ages!! Hope you had a lovely Birthday and see you soon in 2016 xx

  17. That post has filled my heart with happiness and joy for the New Year.
    You are a star, thats what you are x

  18. Even with all that happened last year you've put your children first, taking them on holiday and making sure they've settled, so I really wish you all the happiness you deserve this year. x

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  20. Wow, your Christmas photos are very pretty. They are so eye catching. Thanks for this great share. My family Christmas party was also very interesting this year. I had reserved one of the best Los Angeles event venues for the party and hired a talented planner for all arrangements.


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