This week all sorts of stuff has been thrown at me.
The most interesting being the loss of the fabulous course I've run for the past three years. I'd hoped to stay employed until July at least so I'd have money to get through until September, but other than the possibility of cover teaching work it just isn't to be. Lots of politics and shenanigins so tight lipped and affecting a devil may care attitude that I'm sure you all know to be nonsense.
Our home has also gone on the market, so now we have strangers visiting deciding if it's good enough for them or not.
With all of this going on my daughters, friends and mum are blinking stars. Keeping me sane, happy and laughing.
Do you know, I really didn't realise what fabulous people I knew. Each and everyone of them has shown themselves to be the best kind of friend someone could ask for when distractions and company are badly needed.
In the midst of this I contacted my mate in Oz who was the closest thing to family I'd ever known. We didn't speak for over a year after a thing that happened. Then you wake up and realise it's just not worth losing some people. Right now it turns out she needs a bloody good mate too. I even wonder if might use some of our house sale money to go on a long plane trip.
There are people I've met through blogging and now through Instagram who have become real mates, others who I can't wait to meet up with and know I will one day soon.
For a girl who was a real outsider and a quiet loner once she seems to have grown into a woman who has found where she fits and who actually enjoys all this sociable stuff a whole lot.
I'm also wondering if I should finally send that letter to the lady who gave birth to me. I've a few brothers and sisters I'd love to get to know, plus all that wider family I've never bad.
Next week I'm joining the W.I. I'm thrilled you know as I've fancied this for a bit, but couldn't find the one for me.
Through vintage markets I've met quite a few of my mates. Everyone knows everyone else. For a couple of years I've known my W.I. mate, but just recently we've started to get to know each other better. I like her a lot.
To be honest, my marriage ending has meant I've got to know a lot of people better. Not because I wasn't allowed to, but it's a time thing isn't it. I gave my time to my family life. Now I share it out more and that's a really positive thing to come from all of this.
I'm a firm believer in trying to find the good, the positive, the upbeat and what I might learn from something.
At a low moment this week I gathered a small bit of my fabric stash together and took a few happy photos. My own therapy which worked.
Now I have a few irons in the fire still. Two friends have given me heads up on possible jobs so I'm meeting up with them next week. I'm taking some bits to sell from a shop in Southwold. Then, excitingly three ladies and I will be getting together to put together the Do You Mind if I Knit Blanket?
All the squares are in so it's time to get stitching ready for the raffle to raise funds for MIND in memory of Vanessa.
Fabric, friends and family are what make my life tick. My head has a few ideas for our future, one a blinking big idea that requires a leap of faith and courage.
I keep telling myself over and over, you have far more courage than you have fear.
For now I'm thinking, researching and keeping as sane as a woman can do who is watching her world dissolve before her eyes.
I intend to find the best I can from all of this and use it.
That's where all these wonderful people I know and that's you included come in.
You say the most incredibly supportive things that really hold me up through this time. Even though I'm getting worse at replying through blogger, I need you to know that your comments are so very appreciated, make me feel comforted and wish that I could say to you right there and then thankyou and for you to know I really do mean it.
I'd started off intending to waffle on about fabric and hide my thoughts, sometimes the writing just takes over. I've let it for today.