Friday, 6 September 2013

All Change

Lately there have been quite a few changes to get used to. I'm not overly keen on change, although ironically I struggle with routine. I think it's more a case of me preferring to decide when things will change. That means I have to admit I'm a bit of a control freak.  I'm my own worst enemy here.

Over the last few months, weeks and days there have been things going on that have unsettled me to put it mildly. I never like to open up on here to be honest, I struggle with it in real life as I'm not a fusser. I prefer to just get on with things and lean on my man for strength when I need it. He leans on me back when he needs it. But do you know today I thought writing some of how I'm feeling on here might help me make a bit of sense of it all.


Miss Rosey becoming a teenager, the end of the summer holidays and Little Bun starting high school definately contribute largely to my unsettled feelings. The summer holidays are an oasis away from all the rush, potential nastiness and hardwork of the real world. Teen days heralds time marching on away to independence. My youngest and I felt great about her starting high school. She was more than ready and then after her first day she hit the collywobbles. I hope this was just down to first day tiredness with two of hours of hockey in blazing heat to add to it. She is a very able girlie, but just lacks confidence in herself and worries all the time that she won't be able to do the work.Then there's making all the new friends business. Her big sister is being a star, really protective and supportive having only just gone through it last year.   I just want to wave a wand forward a few weeks when I know all will be well.

(autumn jobs - sofa covers being cleaned)
As for me, it hit me last night that my youngest, the baby of my family now needs to grow up and be more independent. She's emotionally and socially more mature than a lot of her age group, she told me once that she didn't feel eleven. She knew too many things and felt she had been alive for a very long time. This makes sense to me. She finds security from the world in my lap, which is as it should be, but I realise I do overprotect my girls by always being there to pick up the pieces. I sadly think I just have to step back a bit more now. The only way to learn is by making a few safe mistakes with me and their dad waiting by the sidelines. That's a big change isn't it. Realising those apron strings need a bit more snipping is in their best interests really.


It has been a lovely last week to look back over though. Miss Rosey had a fabulous seaside birthday with crazy golf, icecreams, penny arcades and lunch out. Thank you aswell for all your kind birthday wishes to her. 

On Monday we picnicked in an orchard with my mum before cycling through the woods and then gorging on a splendid afternoon tea. 


It was the most blissful and perfect day when I felt I could have shouted through the trees with happiness. You know one of those simple, just good to be alive kind of days.


When we got home friends popped by with lovely birthday gifts and a little something for me.
A shiny swan to sit with the other two on the kitchen windowsill. They're slowly becoming useful places to put small broken things.
 

 Funnily enough I started writing this post feeling pretty flat. In the middle of writing it my mum called. We spoke for an age uninterrupted by girlies for the first time in weeks. I hardly ever talk openly to my mum, but today we had a great chat about being a mum and job stuff. I feel clearer about facing the next stages of being a mum now.  

That doesn't mean to say I'll stop loving them so much, or making them daft things and worrying more than I probably need to. 


 The other stuff in my head I put down to my dad's birthday being close. It will be the second year without him. Last year we didn't go to his favourite beach, picnic and play as we always did catching the last of the summer sun. He is moving away from me in my head, but I can still summon him up when I need him. I see him smiling telling me it will be allright and he's proud of his lovely girls. 

Yesterday I took my students on a trip. We ended up in the USAAF Library where I met the loveliest man. He was 85, a year younger than my dad would have been. He looked in his 70's and said he felt 25 in his head. He certainly seemed it with his enthusiasm and passion for life. He told me fabulous stories about the war and life beyond. When I asked him if it was true that people did moan about the Americans saying 'over sexed, over paid and over here'. He laughed and said "No, Norfolk was bloody boring before the Yanks turned up."

He admitted to being lonely and loved the chat. I like people and their stories, but also I really loved speaking to someone who was around when my dad was.

25 comments:

  1. Hi there
    Great post and made an interesting read! Nothing is lineal and even though we'd wish for everything to be hunky dory all the time life just isn't. In fact its wise, feeling unsettled is a message so in a way its a good thing because its telling you something. What is wrong? Loving ones children just isn't about here you are,give us a cuddle and I have bought you a gift...its about standing back,being there,being strong and preparing them for the world outside. It's also about hurting,not giving in and being stern as easy as it would be to say "alright then here you are". It seems to be you are on the right track and more than on your childrens' wavelength. I suspect your youngest has come up against change as well now and as mature as she maybe it can be difficult to handle. I keep telling my daughter to stand back and let my grand-daughter sort herself out but be there to smooth the edges. My daughter is struggling with this! I think its because she is a widow and a one parent family.
    Looking back over my comments they look a tad lecture orientated.....they weren't meant to be :-)
    Your comments about your Dad has pulled a few heart strings there....I used to listen to my Dad for hours when he'd tell me about his adventures during WW II and post-war days. I always love listening to the old folk they bring history to life!


    keep well

    Amanda :-)

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    1. Oh! yes and we weren't born Mums either so its ok to look for training as in your own mother. I used to feel so much better after a chin wag with my Mum!

      A xx

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  2. I'm glad you got to have a good chat with your mum. It is hard moving them towards independence isn't it? My second went into yr 7 this week, and it's brought mixed emotions.I still have one with years of primary left so I don't think it is such a change for me. And I think they will always want you to keep making them things, however grown up they get. :-)

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  3. I'm glad you got to have a good chat with your mum. It is hard moving them towards independence isn't it? My second went into yr 7 this week, and it's brought mixed emotions.I still have one with years of primary left so I don't think it is such a change for me. And I think they will always want you to keep making them things, however grown up they get. :-)

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  4. I'm glad you got to have a good chat with your mum. It is hard moving them towards independence isn't it? My second went into yr 7 this week, and it's brought mixed emotions.I still have one with years of primary left so I don't think it is such a change for me. And I think they will always want you to keep making them things, however grown up they get. :-)

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  5. Oh Mrs B - bless you lovely. I can't imagine how it will be when my smallest is all grown up, but I did spend last Summer and the Summer before being downright miserable with the eldest starting Grammar school and the smallest starting school. It does get easier...with time and am loving this new school year so far. So many plans, time to get my head out of the clouds and get back to being me...but with a family - if that makes sense. I've so struggled with the teen these past eighteen months, but as he grows I love him being the age he is - so much fun and a good laugh to be around.

    take care and big hugs,

    Nina x

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  6. I really found your post resonating with me today. Although my girls are a bit younger than yours my eldest has just started year 5. And already to me at least it feels a bit of a change I know I protect my girls a bit too much maybe? (mind in this day and age you are damned if you do and damed if you don't) And although secondary school is still two years away I know it will speed by and I am not sure if either my quiet eldest is ready or indeed I. We have started to unwind that apron string a little bit. Baby steps are always needed in these matters I think! lol.

    Its funny in a general way the whole kids on holiday thank god they are back at school mentality that I hear a lot in real life is rarely reflected here on blogs. Maybe most of us love having our kids back for those precious few weeks in the holidays than we care to let on maybe?

    I am sure your youngest will settle its a big step going to "big school" for most kids. And I expect once you know she is happy you will feel a bit easier. Its good though that you have your mum to chat too.

    I love a chat with some of the older folk, years back when I worked in a shop a lovely old man used to come in some days he would be well dressed and shaven with a twinkle in his eye. Others though not so much and I knew he was having a bad day missing his wife. He used to talk about her a lot it was so sad but lovely too that he loved her so much. I think it was a wonderful thing I think in this lets face it cynical world we live in sometimes.

    Anyway have waffled on a lot. Hope you feel a bit more settled soon.

    Take care

    P x

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  7. I too can understand the mixed emotions that come with your children growing up. My eldest daughter is in year 8 and is very timid and scared rabbit. I try to push her to be more independent, but she is not ready to yet. My other daughter is in year 6 and much more independent, it makes me sad that she can do things without me!
    Being a mum has to be the hardest job doesn't it x

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  8. Ah, my girls are 32 and 29 and still I worry - so hard to stop trying to manage all their little problems even now they are grown! Good luck, stepping back is so hard....
    Heather

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  9. Loved your story about meeting the elderly gentleman, Lisa, I feel rally sad that this generation is slipping fast away from us, they have some super stories to tell. You're doing a grand job with your girlies, it's an unsettling time as they grow up but I just know you'll all be fine and dandy.
    Have a great weekend.
    Hen xxx

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  10. What a beautiful and honest post, i am a mother of four, our milly is the only one left at home, she has just passed her A levels and off to university next year...oh what will i do? I completely understand how you feel, you never stop being a mum. Have a wonderful weekend x

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  11. Dearest Lisa
    I think we can all resonate with your words or being a mum, it's so embroiled in emotions and very strong ties that have to be loosened. I really am finding that when I come home each day, I just pray that Alice has been ok at High School, it's a tough environment and girls can also be so cruel at times, we had a few difficult bullying related weeks at the end of year 7 which tore at my heart, but I had to hide my hurt and be strong with guiding Alice through this maze. It has made her stronger and a little more wiser. It's so lovely to hear that Rosey is there for little Bun, special sisterly love.
    I hope that these next few weeks bring a sense of gentle rhythm and peace to you, thinking of you, take special care xox Penny

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    1. Sorry that's supposed to say "on being a mum"

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  12. I don't think there will be a Mum on here that doesn't know how you feel. I have recently become an empty nester--again and I do struggle with not having any of them living here anymore but then one of them will ring and ask for advice just like you did with your Mum and you realise they will always need you even if it's to tell them how to do a certain recipe.

    Gillx

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  13. Don't worry too much, she will be just fine, friends and school work will sort themselves out. We had our first day of primary school this week, he looked so cute with his uniform and bag i know he will be just fine. Kids adapt quickly .... Its good for them to have change and challenges. I hope you feel better sarah x

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  14. I've got a fair few things running around in my head at the moment that I could do with talking to my mum about. I miss our chats, I could never talk emotional stuff with dad but I knew how proud he was of my parenting skills! I'm about to leave my girls, go to another country and it terrifies me. I'm way too protective and I know it doesn't do them any good in the long run, I'm hoping this will start a new chapter, where I'm there for them but not doing everything for them? Big gulp, deep breath, this ones difficult isn't it, you're not on your own.....hope that helps!!! ( I sure you're doing a fab job!) :) x

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  15. As A Mother its naturally in us to worry/care for our children and them growing up into teens/adults...every year i find this time of year daunting since being a mother~ watching my daughter looking all anxious/daunted by her first day back at school made me well up watching her enter her new class room, all day i worried about her, but by friday she was skipping out the school gates and all smiles and chattty-happy about her first week... and then i felt i could breathe/relax. I remember the teenage stage really hard# not only is your body changing and you feel more emotional you also have to deal with changes like secondary school , making new friends, keeping enemies/bullies at bay and just trying to cope with masses of homework/coursework. I was lucky to have lovely friends at school throughout... but i was a 'home' girl, a bit too soft hearted, lacking in a little confidence and a bit of a walk over with some of my friends... i remember looking back over those teenage years looking at it more as 'survival' than getting top grades... I had a very high grade A* student twin and i knew i could never be at her level... but i learnt i could only do my best and was lucky i didnt have really pushy parents. just ones that wanted me to be happy. My daughter seems very bright for her age, loves to read and write and loves her maths... i just hope school life is a happy experience for her. we can only hope for these things and be there when they need us... your a good mum ~ your girls are lucky to have you x i love the photograph of the girls on their bikes~ looks dreamy ;0)

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  16. Being a mum is tough, but it's also the best and most rewarding job you'll ever have. I think because we all know it's a high stakes game it's inevitable that we mums will be the ones with the collywobbles from time to time, but it works out just fine, it really does xxx

    A belated Happy Birthday to Miss Rosey x

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  17. Just remember you are not alone.
    I'm facing this stage of motherhood soon and it's the honest folks such as yourself that give me strength.
    Love your posts, your honesty and your who,e outlook on life.
    X

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  18. Oh, and as always, love your shoes x

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  19. its hard but you will get there....i still worry about my girl and shes sixteen....motherhood can be such rollercoaster of emotions!!love your blog x

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  20. its hard but you will get there....i still worry about my girl and shes sixteen....motherhood can be such rollercoaster of emotions!!love your blog x

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  21. Ah yes the bitter sweetness of growing up - tough times but happy times too. How funny it is how children from the same household can be different and manage the same situation differently. Remember those roots and wings though - that is what they need and that is what you have given them. 'Tis the best way so that when they need to flex those wings they remember those roots.....
    Your elderly gentleman story was bitter sweet too = sad but happy.

    It really has been a wonderful life....sniff sniff.

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  22. Lovely post.... couldn't resist reading back after reading your latest! It's hard being a mum, finding that balance between being protective 'cos it's instinctive isn't it, and allowing them freedom. To make their own choices, fight their battles and so on. Hard to stand back and watch while they make mistakes sometimes, when experience tells you they should be doing something differently perhaps. But you have to do it. Mine are now 42 and 38, grown up men and I look at them and feel detached in a way, they seem so grown up and I feel so.... well, not grown up sometimes!

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  23. Lovely post.... couldn't resist reading back after reading your latest! It's hard being a mum, finding that balance between being protective 'cos it's instinctive isn't it, and allowing them freedom. To make their own choices, fight their battles and so on. Hard to stand back and watch while they make mistakes sometimes, when experience tells you they should be doing something differently perhaps. But you have to do it. Mine are now 42 and 38, grown up men and I look at them and feel detached in a way, they seem so grown up and I feel so.... well, not grown up sometimes!

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