I'm not too sure where to start. My blogging voice has been silent for a few weeks. Since the day my dad died I've had no desire to create. All the things that usually fill me with excitement, joy and contentment have seemed irrelevant. This morning though I baked a chocolate cake the minute I got up and felt a small temptation to plan a new crochet project.
I've got two days off at the start of this week. The first on my own for quite a while now which I need. I'm not sure yet if I'm going to try sewing or buy some paint to throw at the walls of our bedroom. I've changed and the way I see life has changed. I need some time to start feeling excited by the small details in life once more.
That's not to say life hasn't been without laughter. There's been plenty of that. We even went on a treasure finding hunt this week and came home with yet more china.
Dad's funeral was this week. The Bun's were away on their first ever school trip the week before so we had to wait. The timing was dreadful, we missed them so much, worried a lot and needn't have done. They were beyond excited about going and had a fabulous time away doing amazing things.
This weekend we dipped our toes back into the busyness of the real world. We headed off to take the Buns on one of our history walks around Norwich. We showed them where the Beatles had played and queued for chips, looked for the Green Man in the cathedral and then headed off to Biddy's Tea Rooms for afternoon tea. While we waited for a table, Little Bun had a flick through a 1967 Mandy we bought for her in Oxfam. I had Tammy delivered when I was her age. The paper boy used to write notes to me inside the front cover. Mum would read them out to me, while I cringed with embarassment.
We've been surrounded by some wonderful friends who have shown us a lot of love these past few weeks. I got to talk to my sweetest friend in Oz one evening which made it all seem so much more bearable. I've been truly touched by all of your caring words to me here and emails that I've received. Cards and letters that mum has received write of what a kind, true and wonderful man my dad was who treated everyone the same. He ran his life the way he wanted, never conforming to the rules. He loved his life and always lived in the present, dreaming of the future. After 70 years of playing golf he still had ambitions to get back on the course once more. His body aged, but his head was that of a man in his 40's. It feels as if he's just left the room and I wonder if that's how it will always feel. I hope so because my head can make sense of that.