Wednesday, 26 May 2010

Trails of Lives


I was watching Who Do You Think You Are? repeats tonight as I sat and stitched. They mentioned a link to ancestors.com and for some reason I typed it in. I was looking for someone I assumed was very much alive and so I found my way to a US search site. Before I knew it the information I wanted was there on my screen and I knew I had exactly the person I was looking for along with an address and phone number.

It all feels very odd to be this easy. At 20 I started a paper search for my birth mother at the records office in Islington. A few years later I met with Ariel Bruce, a Social Worker who searches out and reunites parents and children of adoption. She got very near as we knew from my paperwork we were looking in the States and we also knew the new surname from my searches. Around this time my life changed a lot and then I had my two beautiful girls. I no longer felt the need to find a birth mother and I didn't feel the key to my identity was locked up in a history I knew little of. So the trail ended there. Seeing my flesh and blood for the first time in my life within my daughters stopped me feeling restless. I have a fabulous mum and dad, but their family history isn't my history. As I watch my girls grow I see parts of us that they're made of. Eldest Bun especially is a mirror image of the young me, a much braver and funnier one though.

I guess it's a story without an end and I still want to give it some sort of ending, whatever that might be. It all feels quite strange still this evening that I can simply tap in a name and find out so much within seconds. See my older half brothers names and the man she married when I was thirteen all listed beside this woman I know and yet don't know. The other strange part is that when I searched google analytics I found more hits on here from Colorado Springs than the surrounding area. Coincidence perhaps or serendipity who knows.

15 comments:

  1. Hi,I was adopted and I did not find this out until I was 30 but I had no desire to find my birth mother. I do not feel incomplete really but I always look forward regarding my life even though I love things from the past.

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  2. I have no experiance in this area Lisa, but didn't want to pass by without leaving a comment.

    I guess I can only imagine it feels like being torn in half with so many unanswered questions.

    I hope you have the happy ending or at least some answers and maybe some insight to family history.

    take care and much love,

    Nina x

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  3. Hi its strange old thing this internet!

    So whats your next step?

    Clare xx

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  4. Goodness that must feel so strange, a few taps on the keyboard to tell you something so significant. Perhaps she wants to be found by you?
    Hope the ending is whatever makes you happy.

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  5. Best wishes for whatever decisions you make!
    Vivienne x

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  6. what ever you do good luck

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  7. My siser-in-law met the daughter she had adopted. The baby was now a 34yr old confident woman sadly they did not get on together.
    we had a family reunion for a birthday and she was invited,she was thrilled to meet all her new family and got on well with everyone (my sister in law wasen't there)it filled a lot of gaps for her and we all keep in touch by e mail.
    Thinking of you
    Cate x

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  8. How interesting and amazing you can find all that out. Things have changed so much with the internet these days. My husband is adopted and he did trace his natural parents. He is still in touch with his mother ( sadly his natural father died but he knows his half sisters from that side now) although they do live on the other side of the world.

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  9. Hi Lisa, the internet is a real pandora's box isn't it. It brings so much to lots of aspects of life but I can see some massive questions and challenges too.

    All the best with whatever you choose your next step to be. Can't be easy seeing everything laid out before you like that. Take care and be kind to yourself.
    Love Stephx

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  10. Hi, I am adopted and traced my mother when I was 30, i found out i had 5 brothers and a sister (strange as i had been brought up as an only one).Glad I did it as It filled in so many unknowns, but a roller coaster emotionally.I went on to a adopt a baby boy my self .so i have looked at both sides now. if you would like to TALK email me!! best wishes in your journey, Linda.

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  11. Hi Lisa
    Im not sure what to say exactly, Maybe your birth mother has been looking for you? It must be so hard to have all this information at your fingertips but not know where to go next. Which ever path you take good luck and I hope everything works out the way you'd like it too, although I dont have any experience of this Im always here if you need to talk just send me an email.
    thinking of you, fliss xx

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  12. T'interweb... it's a truly magical, scary tool isn't it?

    Just been catching up with your gorgeous blog... as ever thoroughly enjoyable!! Your weekend sounds sublime, take care x

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  13. It is certainly an emotional rollercoaster,tomorrow we go to panel to become our little girls adoptive parents she is one of 13 children so will have a lot to cope with when she grows up,but like with our other 4 birth children we will be there for her every step of the way.I have fortunate for her,met her birth mum and most of the siblings but sadly we will never know who birth dad is but it's the fitting of the jigsaw pieces together that is important for some people but not for everyone.Angel 5 has her birth mums eyes she is a beautiful happy little girl.I met my Dad properly when I was in my 20's but we just didn't click something was missing.Have you read Green eyed boy or is it blue eyed boy by niki Campbell,an excellent journey on finding his birth family I can bring it to the craft fayre in Holt as we are coming up your way for a week on Saturday, Blessings Beckyxx,

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  14. Just catching up on you sweetie. I just think of your mum as your mum! Kind of moves the universe all that extra info doesn't it. You're so level headed I know you'll work it all out and your lovely family will be right with you all the way! t.xxx

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Bobo X